Now Hiring

March 11, 2010

A horde of overly excited undergrads converged on my place of employment earlier this day to vie for an open internship position directly supporting my department. Because the triumphant candidate will be required to spend a hefty chunk of time working in uncomfortably close proximity to me, I was required to spend a hefty chunk of my day as an interviewer.

Although I have very little hiring experience, I thought it best to eschew typical interview questions like "What is your greatest weakness?" and "Don't you think the sweater I'm wearing perfectly accentuates my chiseled pectoral muscles?" in favor of a casual conversation.

Me (crying): "…and then she hit me in the stomach and my retainer fell out of my mouth and into a mud puddle."

Candidate #4: "And how did that make you feel?"

Me (sobbing): "Weak and dirty."

Candidate #4: "I'm sorry to hear that."

A pause.

Candidate #4: "So, are you going to hire me or what?"

Me (disgusted): "Ugh. You are so unprofessional."

Needless to say, based on the ever-so-slightly embellished exchange above, the reasoning behind conducting a professional interview as opposed to attempting to become best friends with each and every candidate is now readily apparent to me.
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1 comment:

  1. This reminds me of a similar conversation I had once upon a time.

    Me: "Jinkies! So you're, like, really super smart and stuff. Sidenote, that's a very nice suit."

    Applicant: "Well, I did go to NYU and I interned at all these fancy schmancy places: [list of impressive places]."

    Me: "This job is kinda fluffy."

    Applicant: "Yes. I guessed that by your pigtails."

    Me: "Oh. Ummm. Hehe. [Random babbling of fun words to say with no connection: Beef curtains? Quidditch? Pharmacology?]"

    Applicant: "I'll start on Monday."

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