Because the potential setbacks associated with my over-share habits on the World Wide Web were made clear to me in college by my Father ("If I ever download you doing pot on MyTube you can find a new place to sleep."), I've always kept close tabs on the contents of my Facebook account so as to avoid letting any bawdy photographs escape into the ether.
This evening, as I performed a swift insurance inspection, I realized, much to my shame, that a few glaringly uncouth photos slipped through my firewall.
Top Five Facebook Photographs That Will Likely Wreck My Future
5. Harry Potter and the Full-Blood Dweeb
As if the massive book, the geeky glasses and the "I can't wait to not sleep for two days while I read about wizards" grin weren't enough, Facebook had to go and document the fact that I allowed the staff at my local Barnes & Noble to paint a lightning scar on my forehead.
4. Mighty Morphin Power Douche
I thought it would be funny to make my own Red Ranger Halloween costume. I thought wrong.
3. Cop and a Gaffe
Although I wasn't really getting arrested in the photograph below, the Committee to Elect the Headmaster of Hogwarts doesn't know that. One swift stroke of a Google Wand and I'm Hippogriff meat.
2. Fashion Faux Pas
I swear I was holding that delicious Seagram's Peach Fuzzy Navel wine cooler for a friend.
1. A Shitty Mistake
When my Mom inquired about the subsequent Facebook picture not too long ago, the only response I could muster was, "You'd have been clapping your ass off twenty years ago."